philadelphia transfer student

[lawrencemullen]

(sorry for posting this early but I have a solid 9 hours or so of training tomorrow & I know I'm going to be fairly brain dead by then)

title: philadelphia transfer student

it's 2am and we just finished watching silent hill
so what did you think
they go to turn the light off
because i still don't have full mobility
thanks to sub-par healing and a compression vest
i liked that most of the men were irrelevant
actually i think this passes the bechdel test
there's sirens/the el/the cats chasing each other
there's silence/white noise from the fan

i easily remember
south jersey is a polluted ocean of highways
i like venus herself
was birthed from a broken shell
that unfortunately found itself
on an overcrowded atlantic city beach
no one knows street signs just
turn left at the wawa
no not that wawa
the other wawa the new one by the mall
suburbia is bland at best
suffocating 
like being an 8 year old who got their dinner privileges revoked
for getting less than a perfect score on a test
like being a 14 year old who continually stood up for their sisters
against the angry spit and shoves of a narcissistic step-dad
at worst

the more i think about it
i think this is maybe what i've wanted
i turn to face them
a job, a home, a person i love and who loves me, cats
i'm almost done my degree
i think i've got it
sometimes speaking things
is to bring them in front of your hands
is to tangibly hold them and consider
it's hard to remember that you don't need
to continue to suffocate
you're allowed to love the things you do
you're allowed to think you've also
got it.

[whoismisterjim]

The repetition of "wawa" has a sonorous quality to it while still staying true to the voice throughout. How does Lawrence create this consistency here?

[laurenjacquish]

They make it conversational/directional. It works in this section especially because it adds humor, especially to those of us from Jersey. Followed by the consonance in these lines:
suburbia is bland at best
suffocating

and the use of the word "bland" we are familiar with this blandness/sameness from the example of the million Wawas. It's a great way to develop the scene while setting the tone. I especially like how refreshing the turn at the end is, to know that love and cats conquer Wawa:

a job, a home, a person i love and who loves me, cats
i'm almost done my degree
i think i've got it

Fantastic!

[Kate Burnham]

Jan 21, 2018 2:56:59 GMT whoismisterjim said:

The repetition of "wawa" has a sonorous quality to it while still staying true to the voice throughout. How does Lawrence create this consistency here?

     Interesting that you say it has a sonorous quality--the way I worded it for myself was that I liked that this repetition did not bother me, and that I actually liked the way it sounded. I think that it might be that "wawa" is such an unusual word to me, although I admit I had never heard of a WaWa before I visited Arcadia... It only has two connotations for me--"I don't need no Wah-Wah," George Harrison, and "waa waa waa," Charlie Brown's droning teacher. 

     From the repetition, I get the sense that there is a WaWa on every corner, kind of like there is a Pockets every four blocks here in Murray, KY. I can imagine riding bored in a car and just calling out "wawa," flatly, every time we passed one, like dragging a stick across a picket fence--that's how regularly they would appear on the roadside. It's also in keeping with the relaxed, conversational/reflective tone of the poem. 

[Kate Burnham]

Lawrence, 


the main thing I wanted to see revised in this piece is some of the extra long lines--I just wanted them to be pared down and tucked into the poem a little more, instead of stretching across the page. Was there a reason you constructed them this way that I might not be catching onto?