How To Trim The Fat

[maranda]

How To Trim The Fat 

You can’t remember after 15 years 
that I never change my necklace.
Every birthday (on the wrong day)
I unwrap a lump of chunky jewelry
that you would wear.

   I don’t answer your calls anymore.

You texted that you were sorry
when my Grandmother died,
you didn’t come over or call.
Just told me you were wearing a new
dress at a work party.

   I’ve deleted you from my phone,
   removed your face from my refrigerator.

You are too jealous. A memory surfaces—
Right after we became friends,
my girlfriend dumped me,
you kissed her downtown and told
me you did because you wanted
to know what I saw in her.

   I don’t get you a birthday present.
   I don’t get you a Christmas present.
   I don’t get you an anniversary present.

Your husband and I were best friends
before we were. We traded X-Men
comics under the art table in 3rd
grade—you want me to keep
your affair with your boss a secret.

   I write your husband a letter saying,
   when you wear the red shoes
   you are seeing your boss
   and he should follow you.

[lawrencemullen]

The title reminded me of that like joke thing when a person dumps their partner and talks about losing "150 lbs." I thought the progression of events created a tone that justified the actions at the end of the poem. Without all of the build of this other person being disinterested, then passively cutting off connection, and then finally cutting permanent, I probably would have thought that the letter directly to the husband seemed brash, that reaching out to the friend first would've been the way to go. Also generally, all the things that this other person doesn't do or does in a way that shows that they don't care too much are all such relatable ways that friends/other people have been shitty (at least in my life lmao).

[Veronica]

YASSSSS!!!!

The end of this poem is working so incredibly well! That stab at the end is giving me life. I also love the way you made that jealousy so real and petty because the friend gave you the lame excuse of "I wanted to know what the big deal was". The form for this piece is also working. I like that the "asides" are tabbed. There is enough history being discussed in this piece that the flashback cue in line fourteen is not necessary. It actually took me out of the poem before placing me back in time to experience the memory.

[vanessa]

The ending is everything.

I agree with Veronica about the "a memory surfaces" line. It's strong enough without that indication.

[chello]

Maranda this to me is so different from most of you poems. it feels more raw and real and i absolutely love it. still it contains a wonderful (though some what treacherous narrative) and is so wonderfully woven together love that ending, by the end of the poem i need the speaker to have power over that no good not friend!

[Brielle Kroner]

Jan 19, 2018 23:30:13 GMT lawrencemullen said:

The title reminded me of that like joke thing when a person dumps their partner and talks about losing "150 lbs." I thought the progression of events created a tone that justified the actions at the end of the poem. Without all of the build of this other person being disinterested, then passively cutting off connection, and then finally cutting permanent, I probably would have thought that the letter directly to the husband seemed brash, that reaching out to the friend first would've been the way to go. Also generally, all the things that this other person doesn't do or does in a way that shows that they don't care too much are all such relatable ways that friends/other people have been shitty (at least in my life lmao).

I agree that it's the lead up in this poem that makes the drastic measures of the letter at the end and cutting all ties make sense. Now I'm wondering how my poem for this exercise reads and if my cutting ties seems justified.

[Kate Burnham]

I find it interesting that everyone is saying that the ending would be too "brash" or intense without all of the lead-up of the woman being a jerk. I think that final two stanzas would be fine even without all of that, simply because the speaker explains very clearly the lines of loyalty--the husband and her were best friends since grade school, before the wife and her were "best" friends. This poem is handled well. The detail with the red shoes is really doing it for me, what with the connotation of red shoes being cursed and all that.