How To Explain The Generational Curse

[Jai]

*This is a rough draft of an example. Generational curses vary circumstance by circumstance and can be broken and are not all centered around violation. Therefore, a generational curse is a familial thing (abuse, fatherless homes, continued dysfunction etc) that is passed down generation after generation.




How To Explain The Generational Curse



Your father was distant.
Your mother abused.
You are the result of an uncle who had one too many.
He found your mother at the peak of dawn–he was your uncle
and hers too. Now he is your father.
Your grandmother was silent.
You looked nothing like your brother and sister but
they named you cousin until uncle–uncle one too many.
Crept between the crease of your thighs like warm silk
after iron press. He drove his eyes up and down the button
of your belly and into your eyes. Uncle–one too many had not
had enough.
Soon you would be your mother and your auntie
and your brother and your sister.
Your name would change to gotcha and
once you've had one too many— you'd uncle.

[Veronica]

He found your mother at the peak of dawn–he was your uncle <-- The wording in these lines is too much to process and reads a bit choppy. Pair down

Your grandmother was silent. < -- Not sure why grandmother is necessary to the poem. If she has a specific part show us. Otherwise, I suggest cut.

they named you cousin until uncle–uncle one too many. <-- I might be reading this incorrectly, but is the name of the uncle, "uncle-uncle" or "Uncle one too many"?

Crept between the crease of your thighs like warm silk < -- I like this line a lot!
after iron press. 


Soon you would be your mother and your auntie
and your brother and your sister.
Your name would change to gotcha and
once you've had one too many— you'd uncle.


So the final bit is still not telling me enough. I'm not sure if the curse that has been passed down is drinking, drinking and molestation, or molestation. The way that the uncle is described as interacting with "you" needs to be fleshed out more to make this more clear. Either, give us more drinking, more touching, or more of both. Also need a stronger connection as to how the others are affected. It is true that these things can become a generational curse because sometimes people pick of negative habits from their elders and the suffering they endured is not something they are able to fight against. Thus, they succumb. With that, and the title, I see where this poem is headed and it is an intriguing topic. However, there needs to be more clear direction and connection for the reader to make these leaps via the text rather than personal experience or outside knowledge/understanding. On the other hand, if you do not want to say it directly or "give it all away", replace parts of lines with more images or symbols that the reader can grasp at and pull to make these conclusions more confidently.

[Kate Burnham]

Jai,

this has huge potential as both a narrative poem and a language poem. With tweaking, you can make the repetition that is happening here really work. 

You looked nothing like your brother and sister but

they named you cousin until uncle–uncle one too many.>>>>I get what you are implying here, but I think there is a cleaner way to say it. Right now it is kind of a tongue twister, and I don't know exactly what "uncle-uncle one too many" means here, but I think it is a play on words hinting at incest and alcohol abuse. 

He drove his eyes up and down the button of your belly and into your eyes.>>>>This reads awkwardly to me, because it sounds like you're trying to say looked this girl up and down, but what is literally said here is that he looked her belly button up and down. Also, instead of repeating "eyes," you could just write "and into yours."

I would italicize "gotcha," and the final "uncle" or put in quotes, as in saying uncle and giving in. 

This is a good, good start.