how not to be married

[chello]

how not to be married

wink/ at the neighbor over the hood of the car
while your wife struggles/ to get the baby in the car seat
get drunk/ with your gay friend while your wife is at work
mess around/ so the house smells like ass
don’t come home/ after slamming bud-lights
at the horse-shoe-lounge/ all day until they boot you out
don’t call/ ever unless you need a ride cause
someone rolled you overnight/ took all your money and your id
and you saw leiland testavery/ walking downtown
wearing your blue and red jacket/ the one
i’m gonna cut up and use to back my bead work
the next time you pull this crap
don’t forget/ tell my best friend mary
how you hate your nagging wife/ tell her
you own me nothing/ ask her what she’s doing
later on that night

[Jai]

Chello!

I really like this and the idea.
I am wondering how to suggest making the second stanza as strong as the first. Right now the first stanza kind of says it all and then we meet another layer of "how to" if you will, "how to address the mistress".....not distracting but needs to be tightened to flow more with the first stanza.

[lawrencemullen]

I really enjoyed all the different ways to "not be married," and the tone behind them which just felt annoyed and fed up with the described partner who's being shitty. One thing I was wondering about was that the entire poem is this one stanza. I did find myself reading the poem a few times in order to figure out when one "way" to not be married ended and another began, and I think maybe different stanzas might help with that. I also was curious if this is supposed to be the same person, as you have the spouse, the wife, and then an "I," and how the "I" figured into the poem.

[Veronica]

That last line was so unexpected, but it was not so out of left field that it felt rushed or jumpy. I enjoyed this piece a lot Chello. I can really get a glimpse of all the ways this husband betrayed his marriage.

[chello]

Jai, i have no idea at the moment. i think perhaps Lawrence's suggestion of giving space instead of one lump might help with that.
Veronica thanks.

[Kate Burnham]

Chello, 


in a way, this feels like something I would write, so it was a bit surreal to read. Especially the style of direct address to the husband/partner. My main suggestion is to not end the poem on the husband asking the best friend "what she is doing later that night." It is something I have heard before, as in I've heard it complained about often--partners pulling something ridiculous like asking the best friend to get down. You have so many good, more original examples of "how not to be married," especially about this guy eyeing another woman and how the wife is going to skin her and use her hide to back her beadwork...golden. It makes me want to know what she has planned for the husband. So, maybe take those lines about the best friend, Mary, and bring them up into the poem, ending on the beadwork threat of "don't forget." I am also in favor of different format for this poem to let it read a little less like a chunk of text. I liked this piece a lot.