Post by Brielle Kroner on Jan 19, 2018 18:31:40 GMT
Why I Left You
I. I was your best friend, and you were not mine, and you had no idea how to reconcile that.
II. You dragged me to a rave and didn’t let us leave even though I panicked so severely I felt like I could hear color and smell fear.
III. You told a man I didn’t want that he should kiss me, and he listened to you not me.
IV. You showed up uninvited to my boss’s house, a professor at a university at which you were a student.
V. You made jello shots for my birthday. I don’t do shots, and I don’t eat gelatin, so who was that really for?
VI. You manipulated me, saying that if I left you alone to go to class you would physically harm yourself.
VII. Your mom asked me, a mentally ill nineteen-year-old, what I thought she should do about it.
VIII. You loved everyone I worshipped, but loved them less, without actually caring about what they were. You played the most vicious imposter.
IX. You said Cortie’s sixteen-year-old daughter was hot and wondered if she was a virgin, and I wanted to say stay the fuck away from her, but I didn’t want you to know that I didn’t trust you.
X. You knew all along that there were people in my life who were my best friends, but I was not theirs, and it was okay. You could ask invasive questions, but you would never listen.
a. It was okay because our lives touched, not in a dawn, but in a moment in time. Perhaps I was already looking for them when we met, and they were not looking for me, but they found me anyway and took me into their life.
b. And that’s why I admired them. Because they were rooted in their lives in a way I hadn’t yet figured out as a young person.
XI. You never knew that I was okay. I don’t think you ever believed me. I don’t think you know that a person can be in pain and not blame someone for it.
XII. You made me write about you.
XIII. And I couldn’t tell the truth because you demanded to see it. I will never forgive you for that.
I. I was your best friend, and you were not mine, and you had no idea how to reconcile that.
II. You dragged me to a rave and didn’t let us leave even though I panicked so severely I felt like I could hear color and smell fear.
III. You told a man I didn’t want that he should kiss me, and he listened to you not me.
IV. You showed up uninvited to my boss’s house, a professor at a university at which you were a student.
V. You made jello shots for my birthday. I don’t do shots, and I don’t eat gelatin, so who was that really for?
VI. You manipulated me, saying that if I left you alone to go to class you would physically harm yourself.
VII. Your mom asked me, a mentally ill nineteen-year-old, what I thought she should do about it.
VIII. You loved everyone I worshipped, but loved them less, without actually caring about what they were. You played the most vicious imposter.
IX. You said Cortie’s sixteen-year-old daughter was hot and wondered if she was a virgin, and I wanted to say stay the fuck away from her, but I didn’t want you to know that I didn’t trust you.
X. You knew all along that there were people in my life who were my best friends, but I was not theirs, and it was okay. You could ask invasive questions, but you would never listen.
a. It was okay because our lives touched, not in a dawn, but in a moment in time. Perhaps I was already looking for them when we met, and they were not looking for me, but they found me anyway and took me into their life.
b. And that’s why I admired them. Because they were rooted in their lives in a way I hadn’t yet figured out as a young person.
XI. You never knew that I was okay. I don’t think you ever believed me. I don’t think you know that a person can be in pain and not blame someone for it.
XII. You made me write about you.
XIII. And I couldn’t tell the truth because you demanded to see it. I will never forgive you for that.
