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Post by chello on Jan 19, 2018 1:14:21 GMT
down to earth
flitting around the edges unclear/ where time ends or begins or/ unwinds to record itself
shallow breaths on the shore line water logged/ there's so much we know about drowning without air/ each tiny alveoli collapses/ scenting the air with wisteria
for a moment/ i caught a hint of you/ in a sliver/ opening between spheres/ in the flinch of the wing/ of a bright yellow bird flickering through my memory
down to earth you tumble while above/ black legged kittiwakes fall moving like angels/ making star shapes and flowers/ in the atmosphere above pulled from ocean cool breeze
spraying water as if i am the birth of venus in my arms all our waking moments bright yellow bird in hand singing/ heading skyward sift departure floating home
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Post by whoismisterjim on Jan 19, 2018 20:58:16 GMT
What do we think of Chello's take on "down to earth" here? How is the line augmented or reinterpreted in the poem?
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Post by laurenjacquish on Jan 20, 2018 4:03:44 GMT
I absolutely love the literal aspects of this poem/cliché and I am mad I didn't think of it! This poem is beautiful.
These lines: down to earth you tumble while above/ black legged kittiwakes fall moving like angels/
incorporate so much. There is the use of the words, "down to earth" there is the literal image of the kittiwakes falling and there is the reference to angels which reminds me of the biblical fall. The phrase means something different that I am searching for..."you"is used only once. The speaker may be the pragmatic one, with their explanation of drowning being so scientific, the you is introduced as falling down to earth, so maybe they has their head in the clouds so to speak because when the speaker and the you are united in "our" the speaker is uplifted. I'm also pretty tired so I might be rambling!
The only phrase I am unsure of is "waking moments." I have been noticing these little familiar phrases in all these poems, which would probably not stand out as much if the exercise wasn't about clichés. My attention gets averted.
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Post by Kate Burnham on Jan 22, 2018 5:49:39 GMT
To be honest, I wasn’t catching on to “down to earth” as the cliche. I was trying to piece together what it might be, something like “time is an illusion” or something because of the first few lines. I’m still pondering ever now.
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