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Post by maranda on Jan 17, 2018 21:43:06 GMT
Tonight’s Shortcomings
After watching Atomic Blonde
Buying $160 vinyl seemed necessary.
Charlize Theron’s painted lips
Drinking Stoli on the rocks
Enters my mind about every
Five seconds.
Gleaming neon glow
House music thumping, Charlize kisses Sofia with tongue.
I can’t focus in class, the professor reminds me of—I
Justify drinking, it makes me less intense
Kissable,
Loveable even, I picture myself desirable though
My wardrobe is that of a mid 90’s teenager,
Not a confident seductive spy, a good jacket will help.
Open signs still flash at midnight and I have a
Plan to get this movie out of my system, she is
Quiet and unsuspecting, my nice leather jacket
Redirects her ability to sense desperation.
She moves her mouth like Charlize, I tell her I want to be a lawyer.
The Politics of Dancing plays on its own and we talk about poetry.
Under lacquered lashes, blue
Vinyl grooves spin and I think she’s mine.
We stand in front of her bed, she thinks twice
X Rated neighbors penetrate the walls.
You should be a Poet she says,
Zipping up my jacket.
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Post by Jai on Jan 18, 2018 0:44:40 GMT
This was well written Maranda!!!!
I like the way the lines lead into the other and feed off of one another. This was successful for you.
How was it writing this? I am one who felt boxed by the exercise
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Post by maranda on Jan 18, 2018 1:36:42 GMT
This was well written Maranda!!!! I like the way the lines lead into the other and feed off of one another. This was successful for you. How was it writing this? I am one who felt boxed by the exercise Well, I’ve decided to not spend more than 30 mins on these exercises and not to think about it too much. I picked A topic which was feeling distracted by a movie all day and went with it. This one took about 20 mins and this is a for real first draft, write it post it. How Was it? I feel Happy to have written something today. |
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Post by sarahmay on Jan 18, 2018 1:40:03 GMT
I really like the pace of this poem compared to some of your longer works. I think taking this type of exercise into some of your narrative poems might help punch up the pace of a couple sections in your manuscript. This jumping from idea to connected idea really works in that you're just describing scenes. "My wardrobe is that of a mid 90’s teenager,
Not a confident seductive spy, a good jacket will help."
The images in this are telling and even though it's just an exercise, I think constraint for you (in some stanzas) would be a cool contrast to some of your lengthier narratives.
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Post by laurenjacquish on Jan 18, 2018 5:22:05 GMT
I like the vulnerability that comes out when you don't have time to wrap the poem in a leather jacket. I agree with Sarah and I love this:
"My wardrobe is that of a mid 90’s teenager,
Not a confident seductive spy, a good jacket will help."
These are more eh:
Vinyl grooves spin and I think she’s mine.
We stand in front of her bed, she thinks twice
Last 3 lines: clever!
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Post by whoismisterjim on Jan 18, 2018 14:02:49 GMT
This was well written Maranda!!!! I like the way the lines lead into the other and feed off of one another. This was successful for you. How was it writing this? I am one who felt boxed by the exercise Well, I’ve decided to not spend more than 30 mins on these exercises and not to think about it too much. I picked A topic which was feeling distracted by a movie all day and went with it. This one took about 20 mins and this is a for real first draft, write it post it. How Was it? I feel Happy to have written something today. This is a major win, right here. Knowing how much planning you've done with your work, creating a space which allows you to be more present and reactive in form could help inform some of those spaces in the thesis where immediacy is needed. |
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Post by Brielle Kroner on Jan 18, 2018 15:12:26 GMT
I agree with everyone else. Sometimes forcing yourself to stick to the first words that come out can be more effective that if you've spent hours agonizing.
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Post by lawrencemullen on Jan 18, 2018 19:04:20 GMT
The general narrative in this is really well contained and sort of tied off at the end, which I think makes a great vignette. I really enjoyed, "I have a/Plan to get this movie out of my system" and "You should be a Poet she says,/Zipping up my jacket." because there's alot of direct intent, if that makes sense.
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Post by Kate Burnham on Jan 19, 2018 17:59:28 GMT
The leather jacket makes another cameo... I'm beginning to think all poets are auteurs like Hitchcock, Malick, and Singh. I want to see Atomic Blonde, now. I heard good things. I love your description of needing to get something out of your system. It's working for me, this piece.
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