Alligator and Python ‘Tangle’ on a Golf Course

[vanessa]

Alligator and Python ‘Tangle’ on a Golf Course


Afraid? a Burmese python hissed
to an alligator as they circled the 18th hole.

Only a hole behind, the gator snapped back
Never, as he assessed his situation. A pond
and sand dune 200 feet back blocked his
path to victory--python’s ball was a mere sixty away.

The serpent maniacally laughed, slithered
back to his slope.With a single flick of his head,
his ball traveled towards the hole.

Gator held his breath, picturing his biggest fear--
a Burmese usurping centuries of his family’s legacy.

People groaned as the ball refused to go
down to its final resting place. Success
after the fourth attempt, python twisted
his head back, locked eyes with gator, yelled,
No matter. Only a hole-in-one can save you now.

Never blinking, gator swung his tail, freeing the ball.

The next morning, he woke to his
reflection in the championship trophy




wnep.com/2018/01/16/alligator-and-python-tangle-on-a-golf-course/

[chello]

oh my word i really love this poem. it carries all your humor what a really fun poem! (pss this would make a great children's story).

[laurenjacquish]

This poem is fun. I think the main places there could be revision are in the line breaks and punctuation. For example, the period missing in the last line. The opening question and personification is really strong. I kind of want there to be more dialogue!. Clever!

[whoismisterjim]

The tone and news article are right in your wheelhouse as far as mood and humor works in your poems. It may be interesting to keep moving further into the persona in this poem--I think it's a good reach for you and will serve your overall manuscript as well.

[Veronica]

Haha this is great. I absolutely love the idea of a gator and a python being personified in this piece. I agree with Chello that it would make a great children's story.

[maranda]

You are the funny poet, own it! You should let this humor ride outside the centos too, I love maximum snark. 

[vanessa]

Jan 17, 2018 16:14:06 GMT whoismisterjim said:

The tone and news article are right in your wheelhouse as far as mood and humor works in your poems. It may be interesting to keep moving further into the persona in this poem--I think it's a good reach for you and will serve your overall manuscript as well.

I do have a few pieces with wild animals in them ...

[Kate Burnham]

This could be like a reimagining of a story like The Tortoise and the Hare, if you went the route of a children's story--teaches some lesson about life while also being cute and humorous. Maybe leave out the part that it was likely the alligator ate the python, or both died trying their luck... Other than tweaks in line breaks and punctuation, I wondered about "people groaned." You could create a whole animal kingdom scene, so who was groaning--bullfrogs, egrets, tufted titmice?

[laurenjacquish]

Tufted titmice don't groan! Do they....Can they please?! It would be soooooo cute if it was through a bullhorn and made into a cartoon so I can see it. So much room for an animal crowd/setting development. I was jarred by "people" too and forgot about it until Kate mentioned it. Fun!