Here's Why Aziz Ansari's Behaviour Matters

[Brielle Kroner]

Welcome back everyone So, yes, I changed my name...I've been going by my middle name, so consider this a reintroduction. Sorry for the confusion.


Here’s Why Aziz Ansari’s Behaviour Matters

Because the line between misconduct and actual
sex is evidently too thin to be seen. Men think women are a
code to unlock, a game of minesweeper --
if they move their hands slowly enough over our bodies,
maybe we won’t remove them. Game on.

If men are kind enough, maybe we’ll be more agreeable.
If they’ve at least given us time to say no, they’re in the clear.
“Everything did seem ok to me...” Of course it did. Your body doesn’t remember.
A condescending pat on the bum and a pussy-grab are, experientially,
very different, but it’s amazing the kind of things a person can get used to.

When that man seemed so shy about asking me to
put it in my mouth, I almost forgot that I didn’t want to, and
when my roommate stopped him and asked for him if I wanted
him to fuck me, I didn’t say no. In fact, I said yes, because I was
afraid of what would happen if I didn’t, appreciating her intervention and
forgetting she was the one who started this encounter in the first place.

“so when I heard that it was not the case for her, I was surprised and concerned.”
All you had to do was have enough social skills to understand
that “Maybe not now” means “No.” You didn’t have to be a mindreader.
We still turn to the law rather than the culture around sex, exposing
Weinstein and exclaiming #MeToo like we’re synchronized metronomes.
Yet there's a deeper layer of behavior that men claim they literally don’t even know is wrong.

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/jan/15/aziz-ansari-behaviour-matters-allegations-date-young-woman-coercion-sexual-behaviour 

[Jai]

I read up on this, this was a jarring article. I am glad someone covered it. This was
a great coverage of the text.

[Kate Burnham]

Lines that stood out:

Minesweeper and “Game on.” lines.

#MeToo Like synchronized metronomes

[laurenjacquish]

This is a difficult subject to write about in a frank manner. I think you accomplished that and it is clear that this story is affecting to most who read it. That said, there is room to refine/edit for the next revision. Right now, it's a bit of a monologue and the transitions from the general comments about "men" as a group and the very personal "I" and specific "that man" could be smoother. I do think it structurally makes sense to have these changes happening in different stanzas as you have chosen to do.

Phrases that took away from your poetic voice in my opinion,
"We still turn to the law" (is there another way to say this?)
"they’re in the clear."
repetition of "maybe"

These lines could be condensed and maybe ditch the commas:
A condescending pat on the bum and a pussy-grab are, experientially,
very different, but it’s amazing the kind of things a person can get used to.

I think you are onto something (oh the tension between accountability and the potential benefits of decarceration...)with the content of the last two lines and the words, "synchronized metronomes" have this cool dystopian ring to them. It creates a dark image. So when, the conversational and sort of "still trying to put this into words" tone of the last line comes, I wish it was just as strong.

Good call using the #

[whoismisterjim]

Jan 16, 2018 22:01:33 GMT Jai said:

I read up on this, this was a jarring article. I am glad someone covered it. This was
a great coverage of the text.

Does this poem move beyond "coverage"? Can you point towards lines that stick to the reporting or suggest ways to open up the space? 

[Jai]

Jan 17, 2018 16:53:35 GMT whoismisterjim said:

Jan 16, 2018 22:01:33 GMT Jai said:

I read up on this, this was a jarring article. I am glad someone covered it. This was
a great coverage of the text.

Does this poem move beyond "coverage"? Can you point towards lines that stick to the reporting or suggest ways to open up the space? 

I think this poem is woke! Beyond the pop-cultural reference and we do know what's happening line by line (the poem is fluid) and as we wrap up with reference from the article.

[Kate Burnham]

I feel like there should be a refining of the third stanza and an expansion of described hypothetical encounters that exhibit this line that is "too thin to see." Brielle could also incorporate sensory imagery to communicate the complexity and nuance in encounters that toe the line between awkward, socially-conditioned faux pas and assault.