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Post by chello on Jan 16, 2018 18:24:58 GMT
california parents arrested after/ 13 children found shackled/ held captive in their perris home multiple shackled/ malnourished/ bones/ coming off of boats to be sold dark and foul smelling from weeks in a hold/ bound/ shackled/ restrained logical reason/ for the birth of nation needing all hands on deck/ captive shai-na/ that's enough when history repeats itself un-mass it is business endeavor you live off the glut of money/ land/ properties divided passed down/ earned on the backs and the sweat of the bodies pulled from dark boats iazhi/ january twenty eighteen multiple/ shackled/ malnourished bones found captive one escape led authorities to uncover dark/ foul smelling/ surroundings mind you not themselves/ bound shackled restrained/ logical reason unknown this decided crime/ prudent judgment passed fast yet no recognition of same crime perpetrated on black bodies continued in present with use of necessary force www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/police-launch-torture-investigation-after-13-found-captive-california-home-n837871 |
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Post by sarahmay on Jan 16, 2018 22:57:16 GMT
This poem has a tone I don't think I've seen in your poems before, the anger and disappointment in behavior. This reporting type of poetry, giving history and being quietly angry about it is super interesting because it's stilll your style and your form, but the tone sounds so contrasted to your lively and earth-connected voice in many of your other poems. This is a very effective poem and tone for you to employ in further works as you work on your manuscript. Beautiful and haunting.
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Post by Kate Burnham on Jan 17, 2018 2:12:47 GMT
This is really well-thought-out. It deserves reworking. It’s timely, especially in light of the recent Trump admission that he doesn’t care about black and brown people—aka shithole countries.
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Post by laurenjacquish on Jan 17, 2018 3:05:04 GMT
Yes, Sarah said this well. The tone of this poem expresses the disgust and lack of tolerance for this particular brand of cruelty and the lack of self awareness some have when they are baffled by stories like this but turn a blind eye to the horrors of the kidnapping/murderous trading of enslaved people that built this nation. I think the word "shackled" would conjure the associations you made in many people's minds so kudos for going there.
"yet no recognition of same crime perpetrated on black bodies
continued in present with use of necessary force" This is reporting, as Sarah suggested, and a clever way to tell the truth here.
The repetition of "logical reason unknown" as if there could ever be one (though it has been justified in the past, and in modern day slavery) was really effective.
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Post by whoismisterjim on Jan 17, 2018 16:28:13 GMT
This poem has a tone I don't think I've seen in your poems before, the anger and disappointment in behavior. This reporting type of poetry, giving history and being quietly angry about it is super interesting because it's stilll your style and your form, but the tone sounds so contrasted to your lively and earth-connected voice in many of your other poems. This is a very effective poem and tone for you to employ in further works as you work on your manuscript. Beautiful and haunting. How do you think this reporting tone could be employed in her manuscript? In what ways would you suggest approaching this aspect of Chello's voice in other work in the manuscript? |
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Post by Veronica on Jan 17, 2018 19:26:17 GMT
Chello included a piece in her workshop packet that compared Icarus to Colin Kaepernick. Perhaps that poem would be a good place for this tone.
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Post by sarahmay on Jan 17, 2018 23:47:30 GMT
This poem has a tone I don't think I've seen in your poems before, the anger and disappointment in behavior. This reporting type of poetry, giving history and being quietly angry about it is super interesting because it's stilll your style and your form, but the tone sounds so contrasted to your lively and earth-connected voice in many of your other poems. This is a very effective poem and tone for you to employ in further works as you work on your manuscript. Beautiful and haunting. How do you think this reporting tone could be employed in her manuscript? In what ways would you suggest approaching this aspect of Chello's voice in other work in the manuscript? I think that in some of her works, especially dealing with hurt or anger, this could be one of the languages she speaks and switches back and forth from which could juxtapose or talk back and forth with her more "chello" voice, land and art centered, heavily in the memory. This intensity could be like a reporter of truth in her poems and then in the same poem, her original voice could respond to it, like an interview of sorts on topics that she may not know how to address herself. I think in the Kaepernick and Icarus piece, a talking back and forth between kaepernick news/this voice/media language and her more emotional, grounded self could have a discourse and show the variations of reactions in the different voices of knowing and feeling. |
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Post by Kate Burnham on Jan 22, 2018 4:39:55 GMT
This poem has a tone I don't think I've seen in your poems before, the anger and disappointment in behavior. This reporting type of poetry, giving history and being quietly angry about it is super interesting because it's stilll your style and your form, but the tone sounds so contrasted to your lively and earth-connected voice in many of your other poems. This is a very effective poem and tone for you to employ in further works as you work on your manuscript. Beautiful and haunting. How do you think this reporting tone could be employed in her manuscript? In what ways would you suggest approaching this aspect of Chello's voice in other work in the manuscript? It's a great way to circumvent sounding preachy or overly direct in one's writing. It also packs a sucker punch, like an anti-headline, the way she has written this--a poem about one thing that is really about something else. |
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