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Post by Kate Burnham on Jan 21, 2018 18:38:31 GMT
Brakhage’s “Crack Glass Eulogy”
This is what it feels like
to be in love—alone,
wholly cognizant of
one’s own death,
imminent. That is
being in terror,
a state of complete
understanding beyond
what words encompass.
What it sounds like
to think about dying
or awareness in utero.
Like bacteria-
in-petri-dish
sound recordings
of e coli swimming,
ebola writhing,
discussing the
quality of light
in hosts’ bloodstreams,
making euphonic
symphonies
on agar wafers.
Wittgenstein,
giving up on disproving
language, might
have commissioned
this Brakhage to
sit in on a think
tank, asked him
to find a way to
wire the human mind
directly to a movie
camera, and ask the
subject to weep
before jumping
from a very tall building.
Eulogy for the crack
in psyche, explaining
consciousness.
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Post by whoismisterjim on Jan 22, 2018 15:09:39 GMT
Does everyone understand the allusion in the poem's title? How does your knowing/not knowing of the allusion inform your experience with the poem?
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Post by Kate Burnham on Jan 22, 2018 15:52:00 GMT
When my vertigo dies down, I will get out of bed and post a link to YouTube.
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Post by whoismisterjim on Jan 22, 2018 16:52:03 GMT
When my vertigo dies down, I will get out of bed and post a link to YouTube. Kate, (not Veronica ;-) let your readers make that discovery... and feel better! |
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Post by Jai on Jan 22, 2018 21:55:02 GMT
Does everyone understand the allusion in the poem's title? How does your knowing/not knowing of the allusion inform your experience with the poem? My lacking knowledge has me wondering if there is something important that I am missing out on in this specific poem. I perceive that this poem may be about a movie or it may not be. I do understand that there may be leaps I am being asked to make as a reader, again I am unsure. I do however, like the short lines in the text and the title. I would like to tell you why beyond thinking it sounds cool. I think the first few lines are a great Segway into what the poem might be about but more clarity is needed. That said, the first few lines read well as well as the crisp lines.
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Post by whoismisterjim on Jan 23, 2018 13:02:19 GMT
Does everyone understand the allusion in the poem's title? How does your knowing/not knowing of the allusion inform your experience with the poem? My lacking knowledge has me wondering if there is something important that I am missing out on in this specific poem. I perceive that this poem may be about a movie or it may not be. I do understand that there may be leaps I am being asked to make as a reader, again I am unsure. I do however, like the short lines in the text and the title. I would like to tell you why beyond thinking it sounds cool. I think the first few lines are a great Segway into what the poem might be about but more clarity is needed. That said, the first few lines read well as well as the crisp lines.
Can you be more specific here in your analysis? Give direct lines from the poem that are working for you as well as exact places where you feel more clarity is needed and why. |
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Post by Jai on Jan 23, 2018 15:39:29 GMT
My lacking knowledge has me wondering if there is something important that I am missing out on in this specific poem. I perceive that this poem may be about a movie or it may not be. I do understand that there may be leaps I am being asked to make as a reader, again I am unsure. I do however, like the short lines in the text and the title. I would like to tell you why beyond thinking it sounds cool. I think the first few lines are a great Segway into what the poem might be about but more clarity is needed. That said, the first few lines read well as well as the crisp lines.
Can you be more specific here in your analysis? Give direct lines from the poem that are working for you as well as exact places where you feel more clarity is needed and why. Ok so given the title the following lines seem to be working well:
That is
being in terror,
a state of complete
understanding beyond
what words encompass.
What it sounds like
to think about dying
or awareness in utero.
The reason being, if I were missing something or not, the overall thought process of death and having an existential experience comes across as clear. I really like "what it sounds like to think about dying" the phrasing, the thought of it as well as the way it sits on the line is a good buy in. I think when we think about stakes, that line raises them.
However, the proceeding lines are where I find myself lost. It could be the abrupt shift of topic or sudden mention of disease, I'm not sure but again, I am thinking that there is more to be said or that could be fleshed out and paired down with the last two stanzas.
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Post by sarahmay on Jan 24, 2018 21:32:28 GMT
Ok, so I initially didn't know who Brakhage was or what the short film was, OR who Wittgenstein was so I was feeling pretty dumb, but I looked it all up and I don't think the poem does enough to make the connection to the work that inspired the poem. Which doesn't necessarily need to happen, but in so heavily referencing the work (as opposed to titling it something different and then doing a small epigraph or a 'After Brakhage's Crack Glass Eulogy' then the poem could exist more on it's own and less in the reference.
As the poem stands now, I think the play between the senses is really effective. Specifically with sight, "sound recordings/of e coli swimming,/ebola writhing,/discussing the/ quality of light" these lines are so potent and strange. Also, "ask the /subject to weep/before jumping /from a very tall building." This is a great image.
Where I get a little lost is the final lines, it reads "Eulogy for the crack/in psyche, explaining/consciousness. " but the images above it are mainly focused on being "cognizant on ones own" birth and death. The second stanza is strongest to me because it is image heavy. Since the first and last stanza has so many large idea words like "terror" and "complete understanding" with few images to go along and show those ideas, not telling them, I think the first and last stanza would benefit from being fleshed out with more images, strange and beautiful, like as is done in the second stanza.
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Post by sarahmay on Jan 24, 2018 21:34:42 GMT
Can you be more specific here in your analysis? Give direct lines from the poem that are working for you as well as exact places where you feel more clarity is needed and why. Ok so given the title the following lines seem to be working well:
That is
being in terror,
a state of complete
understanding beyond
what words encompass.
What it sounds like
to think about dying
or awareness in utero.
The reason being, if I were missing something or not, the overall thought process of death and having an existential experience comes across as clear. I really like "what it sounds like to think about dying" the phrasing, the thought of it as well as the way it sits on the line is a good buy in. I think when we think about stakes, that line raises them.
However, the proceeding lines are where I find myself lost. It could be the abrupt shift of topic or sudden mention of disease, I'm not sure but again, I am thinking that there is more to be said or that could be fleshed out and paired down with the last two stanzas.
I agree that this line is excellent! It's such a new concept. Basing a poem off an art film really does give the poet a way to be strange and play with ideas that are unusual, as she is doing in this poem. I think images of disease would be more effective against 'losing' the reader. Since these big ideas are mentioned but not given a visual to anchor into, the reader is a bit floating around in this idea cloud instead of being walked through what the poet is trying to say. |
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Post by Jai on Jan 25, 2018 2:10:38 GMT
Ok so given the title the following lines seem to be working well:
That is
being in terror,
a state of complete
understanding beyond
what words encompass.
What it sounds like
to think about dying
or awareness in utero.
The reason being, if I were missing something or not, the overall thought process of death and having an existential experience comes across as clear. I really like "what it sounds like to think about dying" the phrasing, the thought of it as well as the way it sits on the line is a good buy in. I think when we think about stakes, that line raises them.
However, the proceeding lines are where I find myself lost. It could be the abrupt shift of topic or sudden mention of disease, I'm not sure but again, I am thinking that there is more to be said or that could be fleshed out and paired down with the last two stanzas.
I agree that this line is excellent! It's such a new concept. Basing a poem off an art film really does give the poet a way to be strange and play with ideas that are unusual, as she is doing in this poem. I think images of disease would be more effective against 'losing' the reader. Since these big ideas are mentioned but not given a visual to anchor into, the reader is a bit floating around in this idea cloud instead of being walked through what the poet is trying to say. Yes! And I think if there was a simple image or display of cinematography then the readers ( me personally) may not find themselves in said thought bubble. My pressing revision would be to add images and/or to invite a reader who would not otherwise know the cinematic reference into the poem |
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Post by whoismisterjim on Jan 26, 2018 15:01:02 GMT
Adding images to the poem: What do we think of this suggestion? How does this concept invite a reader into the poem?
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Post by Kate Burnham on Jan 26, 2018 20:48:41 GMT
OK, so thank you for all of the feedback.
I sent another Brakhage poem to Genevieve for Practicum this week, and she came back to me with similar suggestions--that I provide an epigraph because the poem is ekphrastic, and that I should give even more bold images to balance out the "idea" words and more abstract concepts. I wrote a series of poems on Brakhage's films in my undergrad, while at the same time I was doing an independent study on existentialism in film, specifically avant garde and experimental film. When I was introduced to Wittgenstein in my reading list for the class, I hit a wall because The Philosophical Investigations and his notebooks on them melted my brain. That being said, I recommend the Blue and Brown Books to you all--it's short and will still successfully melt your brain. I pulled these poems out and gave them a couple of redrafts to clean them up before submitting them to you and Genevieve.
So, for these poems, you really need to view the films to connect. I agree that I can add more image to provide connective tissue and balance out the heavy and the weird. That last part doesn't communicate the philosophy very well, and I will work on that. I was trying to tie it in to the title of the film. Anything else to shout out at me before I put this piece through the wringer?
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Post by sarahmay on Jan 26, 2018 21:36:05 GMT
Could you jump out of the poem at the beginning and say like, "In Brakhage's film, I am seeing ______ (Some images from the film to maybe root us into the film, or talk about your melting brain)" then go into the poem?
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Post by Kate Burnham on Jan 26, 2018 22:07:16 GMT
I could, but I would like to create a way into the poem without telling people. I want people to go look him up on youtube. His films don't explain anything, you just dive in, and I kind of want the poems to do that as well. Which is why I put the note in the title, or in revision would do "after Brakhage's "Crack Glass Eulogy."
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Post by whoismisterjim on Jan 27, 2018 14:21:19 GMT
One area to consider may be your opening line here. In a way, I think that starting with "this is what..." gives the reader one way into the poem--that the poem is a response to an experience they have not shared with you (the viewing of the film). Even just reordering the first stanza may help soften that point of entry:
Being in terror,
a state of complete
understanding beyond
what words encompass.
This is what it feels like
to be in love—alone,
wholly cognizant of
one’s own death,
imminent.
"This" has such a directional specific power that even burying the line a little lower in the first stanza still gives the reader a sense of immediacy but with more context.
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